Thursday, March 19, 2015

Letters to my kids: The beginning of Crazy episodes

To my little man and my sister-girl,

Surviving time change and a rainy spring break and the impending move has been challenging. Remember when I rocked this parent thing...and by "rocked" I mean, remember how you survived? I managed to keep up with you 8 and 10 years and keep you fed. Your "alerts" of hunger or pain or dirty diapers were monotonous but I knew how to fix those problems. Face it, we were quite a team.

Since the announcement of our impending move we have gone through all of the stages of mourning....denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And I totally get these emotions. And I totally understand how the move makes you feel lost and alone and mad and upset. I get this. I'm feeling these things right along with you. These are hard, but logical to me.

But now? I feel like we aren't on the same team anymore. You have actual feelings that need to be addressed. You have the beginnings of a little bit of crazy. I have battled Crazy my entire am I supposed to parent you two plus a little crazy with any success?

The beginnings of Crazy are hard for me. You will survive missing a meal (or gagging down a barely edible one). We will survive the bad smells you are emitting or at least fix them with a little body spray.  But, what if you really are jacked up because of my parenting failures during these emotional crazy episodes?

Crying for no reason.....I don't know what to do with that!  It was so much easier when I could check the back of your pants, address the "crap" and move on. This new "crap" isn't as addressable. It lingers longer than expected and leaves in the blink of an eye.

Yelling (a lot)....I don't know what to do with that. (Yelling back isn't helping...I'm at a loss).

Feeling overwhelmed because it is Wednesday..... I don't know what to do with that. Or how to equip you to deal with it.

I want you to know when you are crying, yelling, and feeling overwhelmed I am right there with you. I am so sorry. I miss the days you were easy to fix. I miss the days we rocked it together. I can't fix these crazy episodes.  Every other episode (crazy "alerts"), I feel like I fail. I just don't know what to do. And it feels wrong to tell an eight year old to suck it up. (And I'm gonna go ahead an apologize for that and offer to help pay for future therapy that results from this stage of parenting...I'll go half-sies.)

We will probably survive these pre-crazy years. We will look back and feel like we were on the same team in about 3 years (when you are full fledged crazy and switching teams again). I'm confident we will get back to loving and laughing most of the time again. I'm confident that this all very normal, no matter how much it sucks.

So, please remember that I love you with my whole self. I am so ready to look back on this and know that we rocked this season too. Until then, we'll hug and I get another box of kleenex.

Have a good day.
Be a good friend.
Put your smile on.
Remember I love you.
And be kind to someone today.

I love you too much.


***I am participating in a monthly blog circle with some amazing and talented women who also write letters to their children. Please follow the circle around until you get back here......Starting with Terri's letter....

1 comment:

  1. I remember going through the crazy! I imagine it was much harder on my mom. I'm not looking forward to all that! Although, sometimes I think I'm already there with a 2-year-old and a 5-year-old! ;)