Dearest Wednesday, why do you hate me? Whew, this was one of those momma bear days when I wish I could unleash on those that hurt my family. Second Wednesday to sit in my car and cry about one of my children and their hurt feelings.
Don't I sound tough? Well, I'm not. I'm working very hard on being a godly woman. At all times. Constantly working!! Minute by minute sometimes!! Especially when I would rather unleash all my hurt on someone who may or may not deserve it.
Today I chose to think before I spoke. And since my emotions were so very raw from the hurt, I chose not to speak at all. I will speak to the person but not until I can think and respond gracefully.
My emotions are not dictators of who I am. (learning and repeating this a lot today).
So today when I picked my beautiful boy up from school, I hugged him and looked right in his eyes and reminded him of the blessing we say every morning in the car on the war to school. Specifically, "the Lord turn his face toward you an give you peace". I reminded both of us that we need to turn our face to our creator who is looking at us and who loves us so deeply, then receive his peace.
...and then we went to get ice cream!!
(homework time...no tears! Amazing!)
Numbers 6:24-26 The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.
Although I fail daily at perfection, I continue to get up out of my bed each morning and strive to be the mother my children need. I think whatever that is can change daily. And some days I fail earlier than others.
We have decide to start each morning with the blessing found in Numbers.
The Lord bless you and keep you The Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you The Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace. Numbers 6:24-26
I've saved a picture of it as my phone's lock screen so I can say it in the car on the way to school.
I want this to be something we say when we leave each other. Like when my mom would say, "Remember who you belong to." I'm still trying to get it to "stick" but Katelynn reminded me this morning, so it just might work.
We are also reading the kids' Jesus Calling devotions. We read the adult version last year but some of it was a little deep.
It's a nice way to start the day focusing on Jesus since that focus is lost so easily by 8:30.
We also try to pray. They pray or I pray. Some days Katelynn gets frustrated because Michael cuts her off. Other days Michael doesn't feel like praying and sister takes the stage. Each morning is quite different. Last year a few times, sister got on to me for keeping my eyes open. (please note, I'm driving... Safety first).
This is still a good start to the day. Even those days when I pray for God to "fix Katelynn's bad attitude"... At least we are going to God. And I hope that this will show my kids to go to him, especially on those frustrating days!!
I like summer. I like the sunshine and a nice tan! I like having freedom to do nothing. Or something. And I really enjoy my summer bubble. We are only exposed to people, places, and things we chose. Our family is together (A LOT) and we can sleep in to 7.
Yep, summer is nice. Of course I couldn't appreciate it's true beauty until this week. The first week of school. Summer is over, dead, finished. And we don't have free some to do whatever, whenever, however. Strangers are dictating our days and minutes. They decide when we have to be somewhere, how we will be dressed when we get there, who we will be exposed to (many outside of our summer bubble) and how long this exposure will last.
First Day of School. It made it here when I was ready for it. 3rd and 1st. We are getting bigger. I wasn't stressed about school or teachers or friends. I know God is in control and totally has my kids covered.
But at 2:15am first day of school when my unclaimed anxiety took hold, I still didn't worry. I quoted the words I know and claimed peace for my children.
And God gave us a great first day. I'm so thankful. It's so nice to pick up smiling children.
Dear God, Thank you for my beautiful children. Guide us through this year. Lead me to be the mother they need to become who you plan for them to be. Help me be protective but full of grace, patient and mercy. Thank you for our teachers and school and for new people we will meet this year. Please allow us to be used for your purpose this year and to show your love daily. Amen.
Day Two for the My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife Challenge
What were your results for Day 1? Have you prayed for your family today?
My Experiment: Today, get up earlier than you normally do and take a quick inventory of how your house looks. What room feels good? Which rooms do not? Do a quick pick-up and put-away before your day gets started. This is not a heavy cleaning day, you're just putting away the clutter. Do the same thing tonight before you go to sleep.
It's easy to be excited about trying to be more godly. It's hard to remember exactly how to do that. Just because our experiment doesn't specifically say to pray for your husband and children....it would probably be a good idea to do it anyway. And not just when you are frustrated.
For example: "Dear God, please help Katelynn stop being a turd. Amen"
Dear God, Thank you for my family. Thank you for our home. Thank you for a life that has "things" to pick up. Thank you for the beautiful people that I get to pick up after. Help my desires line up with your will and for my patience to steadily grow as I raise these children up to love you. Even if they can't seem to pick up after themselves. Amen.
My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife by Sara Horn
Today, go out of your way to show love to your husband. Make his favorite meal. Call or text him and tell him why you love him. Resist complaining or nagging about things he hasn't done (or things he has done that bother you). Pray for him and tell him you prayed for him today.
Heavenly Father, my greatest fear is that I don't meet up to made up standards of what I should be as a wife and mother. I ask that you help me focus on you and give me the confidence that making You a priority will not leave me flat on my face. Thank you for the amazing man you made to be my husband. Thank you that he loves me even after I've given him so many burned meals and dirty floors. Show me how to be the wife he needs. One that will build him up and bless him. Thank you for giving us an example of what love is in your son Jesus. I ask for strength to make it day by day with joy and peace that can only come from you. Amen
I have finally figured out how to blog from my computer at mom's house. This is a significant step in a positive direction...if the direction we are going is toward an actual more-than-yearly blog. Then, yay! We have made it to two!
In celebration of my sudden attempt, I thought I would post pictures of the people in my life that make me so happy....the generators of JOY.
Aren't we too cool? I love hats. I always have loved hats. I am so glad (much to their daddy's dismay) that the kids like hats too!
This is one of my favorites of Katelynn and her daddy.
We are so blessed to have a family that actually likes eachother. Today marks six months since dad left us to be with his heavenly father. To celebrate that, I am included a picture of my Ellis family because each one of them gives me special joy each day.
OOOH, they are going to get in so much trouble together in about 10 years!!
He is my rock. The sweetest little man ever. I'm reading a book right now called "That's My Son: How Moms can influence Boys to become Men of Character". I am so impressed with the boy he is and can't wait to see the man he becomes. I can not say enough about the compassion and kindness he shows to our family daily....even his stinky sister.
Speaking of stink sister....she's so quiet when she's asleep. ;)
We had a dentist tell us a couple of years ago that there was no need to fight the thumb sucking battle because we would KNOW an orthodontist well in a few years.
(That wasn't encouraging....and we are still fighting the thumb-sucking battle daily. Mostly I just make up random thumb-sucking rules. --no thumb-sucking in the car, when I brush your hair, etc.)
Sweet sister girl. I read the sweetest blog yesterday about being the mother to a daughter (here).
Katelynn is an extra special source of Joy to me...when we aren't fighting.
Little man helping me cook (a disasterous meal...really, it was quite aweful).
One of my favorite things to do it paint. I love Pinterest because I can copy all kinds of great ideas. I am not an original painter. I like to copy a great picture and take all the credit. We hung this one in sister's room above her bed.
So he's 6'6" and his arms still aren't quite long enough to get sister's head in the picture.
This beautiful girl is so much like me. I'm so sorry world...there are two of us.
We have extra kids after school this week. One of them is 10. She sat in the front seat and sang to me the whole time we drove around yesterday. She started by telling me she was in the choir which "should mean you can sing really well, but she really can't sing that well". Then she sang in English and Spanish. It was a new experience that made me pause and think....Katelynn is going to start singing to me even more?? And in another language?? (exhaustion)
The tall one...JOY!
We are so blessed to have a wonderful church family.
We have so many great friends at church.
And I can see the kids developing those life long friendships and it makes my heart smile.
The week before Easter I found two wonderful articles about praying for your husband and children. Each one is a 31 day prayer challenge that I have decided to keep in my car and use as a revolving 31 day prayer plan for my family. (From Reviveourhearts.com)
Let's see what you think of Day 1.
Day 1 (Husband): Pray that your husband will grow spiritually and consider his accountability before the Lord. Pray that he will guard his heart by developing spiritual disciplines - Bible reading and study, prayer, meditation, scripture memorization, etc. (2 Peter 3:18, Proverbs 4:23)
Day 1 (Kids): Salvation - "Lord, let salvation spring up within my children, that they may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory." (Isian 45:8, 2 Timothy 2:10)
I have a journal that I started a few years ago. I didn't write much. Writing about what I was feeling was wierd. I didn't like seeing, hearing, or feeling the words that I was writing on the page. But I have re-read one of the entries and I wanted to share. I'm sharing because it made me feel strong and secure and hopeful. I know that struggles are a part of life and I feel like sharing the random thoughts during my sadness may help someone who is feeling sorrow....
I titled it "Not Sorrowing as Others"
There are no simple words that can quantify or identify thge grief and internal mourning I feel. Once you are drowning in the uncontrollable sadness with an inevitable unfortunate end, you begin to notice things that you have probably overlooked.
No on is ever ready for that phone call...or in our case the string of never ending phone calls that are delivered with tears...two years of them....Doesn't that sound exhausting? It has become what we know. And although he has continued to deteriorate, I still am never quite ready for that phone call...or that sadness...or my own tears that I just can't seem to control. After all, I am super duper tuff. Absolutely in control of my emotions and feelins...I thought if I wrote that I would feel that way, nope...
The He is my dad. Tommy Ray Ellis. He is larger than life and I am like him in so many ways. He is 56 years old and probably will not make it to 57. (((By the way he did make it to 57...he was in charge until the end...wonder where I got that from!?!?!?!)))
My children will never remember this huge man and the joy that he spreads to those around him. They will not remember that his is 6'6''. Or that he weighed 300 pounds. Or that he could tell the best and craziest true life stories. Or that he once could do things for himself. He rarely chose to do things for himself (like get his own glass of tea) but he could.
I suppose that these things will ease the transition for them once he is gone or maybe I just keep telling myself that it is better that was larger than life, then suddenly gone. There is a lot of stuff like that. Justifications for the feelings and thoughts that I am just not quite sure are appropriate or even okay to admit that I have or feel.
Daddy and the Kids in 2008
......That's all of the entry I want to share. Here's why...my dad went to heaven and just the right time. It was not a surprise to my heavenly father. He knew when dad would be ready and when our family would be ready. Readier than I think we knew we could be. My hopelessness was not a factor when Dad went to Heaven. We have felt a loss but we do not sorrow as others. We have a hope and our future is secure. Absolutely secured through Christ Jesus.
So, my Larger than life Dad went to heaven in October. Wednesdays are still hard, but I don't keep up with what week it is any more. I thought I would count the weeks that went by as if somehow keeping up made me a better daughter. I could count back and figure it out. But I don't feel like I have to today.
The last time I counted and reflected on the number of weeks was at Christmas. It's a new year. We are so very blessed by my heavenly father. My children have adapted and we continue to talk about Toot Toot and his awesome trip to heaven. We always will.
For those of you that were worried that I haven't talked about my dad...here ya go!
Take time to enjoy your joy each day!...That's my new motto that I copied from facebook. *Originality is overrated!
Santa brought our family a camera. I'm pretty sure she (Santa...momma) wanted it to inspire me to blog more. I'm sure I have good intentions to do just that...eventually. Until then, I'll share pictures of our Christmas and New Year fun.
We LOVE to dance!!
I don't think she was winning!
Sister has enjoyed posing for the new camera.
Michael is playing basketball again this year.
New Year's BON FIRE
We are so blessed.
So, 2011 was a little rough. But God has provided and we were able to celebrate the holidays with joy.
Blessings and Joy in the New Year.